Deadlines are for newspapers

Something interesting occurred to me. How it is the nature of the beast when it comes to relationships to set general times scales for specific events to happen. I was reading an forum dedicated for people to go for relationship advice and it was stunning just how many, "How long should I wait before..." messages appeared. What's even more interesting was the sheer number of responses, all seeming to indicate varied responses on why one month was too short for issue XYZ to occur.

Well what the hell happened in that one month? Did you go on four dates, one each week and spend a grand total of 10 hours interacting together, whether in person or on the phone? Yeah, that's pretty soon to be talking marriage plans. That's a little soon to be talking about anything but the fifth date. But if in that same one month period you interacted an average of 5 hours a day, that's 150 hours of interaction with another person. That's a crap load of difference. For the same amount of interaction, the people in example A would be in week 15... nearly 4 MONTHS of dating.

I know what your thinking, that's a little too mathematical. Yes it is... I'm not suggesting that such mathematical precision exists in dating. No analogy is perfect, but the idea of this is to give a good perspective on why setting specific time-related deadlines in terms of months is asinine. Using time-related deadlines at all in relationships is just silly really. But if you are GOING to do it, do it in appropriate terms. Even when measuring in time, not all values are equal.

I spoke with Rose the other day about the point when a relationship must progress to the next stage. She said that a month wasn't long enough to become exclusive. Normally I would agree, but this courtship has been a unique one. Namely, we've interacted with each other every single day, at times the entire day. Those interactions have been limited in person, but we talk every night, and text throughout every day.

And yet, to her, a month is simply too early to date someone. How does THAT make sense? I should be held to the same standard as a guy she's seen 4 times in a month, and has hardly talked to? I don't know if that guy actually exists, but if he does why are we being held to the exact same standard even though Rose and I interacted more in the first two days than this guy and her have in a month.

Relationships are supposed to naturally progress, not based on days or months, but based on the interactions that occur in those days and months. Normally this would be indicative of a relationship heading to the dreaded "friend zone". However, that isn't possible, given I've made my position very very clear, and frankly, when we do spend time together we don't act like "just friends". We are both well aware that this isn't going to turn into just friends... it's very much going to be an all or nothing relationship.

Part of the problem here is that I've been a little overly available. I've made nearly every mistake a guy can make, which isn't uncommon for me. There is a flurry of advice on how to get a woman interested in you, and the fact is that most of it does indeed work. But I can't be someone else for the sake of getting her interested, because eventually I have to be myself and that is going to cause problems if it's not the person she expects.

So I've done this for nearly a month now and I can't really decide if I'm being impatient or not. It's certainly possible, but on the flip side when is being patient TOO patient? I can't put a deadline on that. All I can do is let my brain and heart guide me through the mess. Unfortunately, I get a sense that I'm running out of time before this investment becomes too expensive and I have to pull out. I hate dating.